All Hail Xenu!

So it would seem I’m a little late to this particular scientology leak but, hey – who could pass this up?

Getting ahold of scientology documents is fun business for any budding skeptic of religion – it seems to fit nicely into the roll of “if they’ll believe THIS they’ll believe anything.”

The aforementioned leaky bit is a rather frightening waiver (available in full here among other places.)

The above bit of work has some particularly great bits that have doubtlessly leaked their way across the great series of tubes we call the internet.

Among my favorite: 4. I have no electric, insulin or other shock or psychiatric brain operation history

This is actually quite important amongst scientologists, who maintain that psychiatric care is an “industry of death” through the front group “Citizens Commission on Human Rights”. Of course, they have all the answers to mental illness, so attacking anyone else who might claim the same is an obvious goal.

8:I am not related to or connected with any intelligence agency, either by past history or
immediate familial connection.

Because they would never lie about THAT.

9. I do NOT have a parent or a guardian who is an antagonist of the Scientology religion, or of
any organization devoted to Scientology applied religious philosophy.

I like that they made “NOT” in all caps. Are there really people sending child spies after scientologists?

10. I am not seeking a staff position to obtain material for dissemination to the public via press,
radio, television, motion picture or other media. I do not seek to obtain data for any other
organization or to disrupt the Church organization.

Yep, that one worked.

13: I have no prior service in a high security section of the government or armed forces.

Now, why would scientologists be so worried about government agents in their midst? Might it have something to do with Operation Snow White in which 5 thousand scientologist “operatives” infiltrated government posts to ‘purge’ data that might be harmful to the church?

And, when it starts to get all-caps and kinda scary… IN NO EVENT SHALL SUCH CLAIM OR CONTROVERSY BE SUBMITTED TO A COURT FOR JUDICIAL DETERMINATION AS THE PARTIES UNDERSTAND THAT SUCH MATTERS ARE RELIGIOUS IN NATURE

If you want some good fun at the expense of a dangerous cult, visit Operation Clambake. They’ve got the goods, courtesy of the galactic overlord Xenu.

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